Off-Third: NYU to make use of college students as human hearth extinguishers following coverage change

On Nov. 1, NYU directors introduced a brand new hearth evacuation coverage on the Paulson Middle: not evacuating in any respect.

As a substitute, when a fireplace alarm sounds, each scholar within the constructing is to report back to the second ground the place they are going to work to actively battle the fireplace. The college mentioned that because the colder climate comes upon us, holding college students inside throughout fires will assist hold them heat whereas saving on heating prices.

“I imply, who likes ready exterior within the chilly?” an NYU spokesperson mentioned. “Between the physique warmth from such shut quarters and the approaching hearth, our college students received’t even realize it’s 30 levels exterior.”

The announcement of this plan got here throughout a fireplace drill on Wednesday afternoon. Many college students have been compelled to desert their midterms, displays and lectures for the drill, which was met with combined reactions. 

“I noticed my pal by means of the gang,” a Steinhardt sophomore mentioned. “It was too packed to go and say hello, however that was cool, I suppose.”

One other scholar famous the positives of exploring Paulson. “My class is on the third ground, however I didn’t notice there was a restaurant proper right here,” he mentioned. “Do you suppose I can nonetheless seize a bagel, or are the staff training hearth security, too?”

Not all the reactions to the brand new coverage have been so constructive, nonetheless. “Wait, we aren’t allowed to depart?” a CAS senior mentioned. “Why is everybody okay with this? Is that this a sick joke?”

Throughout the drill, a fireplace security officer — who launched himself solely as “Fireplace Security Man” — defined that within the occasion of a fireplace, there would now be three important methods to battle it. They have been all centered across the scholar physique and workers working collectively. 

Within the occasion the fireplace was extra contained, college students have been proven find out how to function a fireplace extinguisher. Fireplace Security Man requested for help and known as on a volunteer. The LS first-year who hesitantly raised their hand was delivered to the entrance of the gang, the place their pant leg was lit on hearth earlier than it was rapidly put out.

When requested for a remark, the coed mentioned, “It damage.”

If the fireplace was but to succeed in the second ground of Paulson, Fireplace Security Man instructed college students to sing to maintain the fireplace away. The thought was that since New York is crammed with site visitors, generally the Fireplace Division takes too lengthy to come back, so the coed physique’s melodious voices could be key to holding the fireplace at bay.

“You’re all Tisch, proper?” Fireplace Security Man requested. “No? Properly, you’re NYU children, so that you’ve acquired good voices.”

College students and workers have been then instructed to sing in concord, “Fireplace, hearth, go away. Come once more one other day.”

“It’s tentative, in fact,” Fireplace Security Man mentioned. “It’s a piece in progress, however that’ll be the bottom of it.” 

If all else failed, college students, packed collectively like sardines on the second ground, would overwhelm the fireplace — inherently placing it out with their our bodies.

Past fight and tune, NYU insisted that the principle manner to assist cease the unfold of the fireplace could be by means of Violet spirit. An NYU spokesperson defined that since NYU has fallen in the U.S. Information & World Report’s nationwide college rankings, they’re actively attempting to advertise faculty spirit. Working collectively to want away the fireplace is simply the beginning. 

The college insists that they hope the Paulson Middle won’t catch hearth within the close to future, particularly as a result of the constructing is so new and costly. However, within the occasion it occurs, the scholars will work collectively to battle it. Who wants firefighters, anyway?

Off-Third is WSN’s satire column.

WSN’s Opinion part strives to publish concepts price discussing. The views introduced within the Opinion part are solely the views of the author.

Contact Emily Genova at [email protected].